|
|
| Juliette Lowe, lives in the Orb valley, Languedoc. From her background as counsellor, psychotherapist and life coach she explores emotional perspectives on coming to France to start a new life. |
Needs and Dreams
It's a beautiful day and I'm sitting on the pebbled beach of the River Orb as I write. I call it 'my' beach since hardly anyone else seems to have discovered it. Here I find treasures, beautiful pebbles and tumbled glass, pieces for mosaic, bleached driftwood, and above all - peace. It's here I feel in touch with deeper things in my life. As a special gift today a stranger has appeared; a rusty brown dog to guard me in my aloneness. His pinkish nose looks worn by too much snuffling in the undergrowth. I guess he's taking a break from the hunt. He stinks. He's delightful. Unobtrusive and polite he sits quietly next to me, he's just looking after me. That's why he just yelled at a couple of canoeists shooting past. Since recent rain storms the river is deeper and flows faster. It's fresh and emerald. Only last week it was full of algae and short of water. But with every storm and rainfall the river and its beaches change character, each time altering shape, churning up treasures and surprises for me. And that's what I want to talk about today, changes, treasures and surprises in our ever-moving lives. If our life isn’t moving then that will surely account for us not being happy.
The elusive dream
In the previous article we wondered why, despite coming to live in this beautiful country, some people find themselves unable to grasp the dream they were chasing? They still feel miserable or dissatisfied. We noted that it is normal for change and transition to be difficult, that we need to be aware of the dangers and the process to be lived through. And we also acknowledged that though we may change our landscape it doesn't mean we automatically change our eyes. In other words, we still see ourselves and our world in the same kind of way. We bring our personalities with us - our emotions, beliefs, thoughts and behaviour. How disappointing to dream so well, to plan so well, then to arrive and to feel at the end of the day that ‘things’ feel no better. We need new eyes. We need to see ourselves and our potential more clearly and to get out of our own way so that we can embrace our world and all the possibilities that wait for us.
On a need-to-grow basis
It's curious that despite our larger brains and our gift of free will, we struggle to make sense of life and get lost up blind alleys? Most of the rest of creation seems to have sorted things out; all those creatures going about their business, training for life and setting off on migrations, or collecting pollen and making honey or whatever else they’re programmed to do, without angst, without question. But we can, at least, use our intelligence to seek out wisdom, be it our own intuitive wisdom or the wisdom of those who've gone before us. And we can also use free will to choose, and then to follow, a path that is right for us. Abraham Maslow's wisdom (Toward a Psychology of Being) is worth looking at. He's a 1960s’ humanistic psychologist whose model for wholeness and well being still has broad appeal and is currently used in many different settings almost fifty years on. His original 'hierarchy of needs' model consisted of five levels, and subsequently three more have been added. My son has created this diagram to explain the ‘Eight level Hierarchy of Needs’.
In Maslow's view, unless we are fulfilled at one particular level we are unlikely to progress to the next. On the other hand, there is a danger of becoming too comfortable or 'stuck' and therefore not pushing on to the next level. After all, change is risky. Why not stay just as we are, in comfort zone? He would argue that we are designed for greater things. If we're living here in France we are not to be counted amongst those who have no choice or option to raise themselves beyond oppression, starvation, poverty and suffering to higher levels of functioning. But humans have an innate potential to grow far beyond basic survival and safety needs.
Accruing happiness
According to Knox and Butzel (lifeworktransitions.com) the profile of a person well on the way to being ‘self actualised’ would look something like this: realistic; accepting themselves, other people and the natural world; spontaneous; problem-centred rather than self-centred; good at ‘aloneness’ and enjoying a degree of privacy; autonomous and independent; seeing people and events in a fresh rather than a judgemental and stereotypic way; having profound mystical or spiritual experiences (though not necessarily religious); identifying with fellow humans; enjoying intimate relationships with a few specially loved people; demonstrating democratic values and attitudes; not confusing means with ends; showing a philosophical rather than hostile sense of humour; having a great fund of creativity; resisting conformity to their culture; and transcending whatever’s going on in their world rather than just coping with it. In Maslow’s view a truly happy person would have all of the above qualities but, unfortunately, studies have shown that most of the people in our society develop no further than level 3 or 4 in the ‘hierarchy of needs’. Many people seem to live their lives in search of love and respect, mostly without getting it.
Where from here?
So how can any of this benefit us? Perhaps it would help us to reflect on the fact that we may be stifling our own development. Maybe we felt that coming to live in France would be an ‘arrival’ that implied no more striving. But if we consider ourselves in relation to a theory such as Maslow’s we might get hold of some clues about how we need to be pushing upwards and outwards, doing things that feel more suited to who we are; things that bring us alive and begin to make life feel stimulating and meaningful. I wish us all wisdom and courage in this process and, since I like to end with an inspirational quote, here it is.
"If one advances confidently in the direction of his dreams, and endeavors to live the life which he has imagined, he will meet with a success unexpected in common hours."
- Henry David Thoreau
Juliette Lowe is a counsellor living and working in the Languedoc area. Contact her with any questions at:
|
